


Fevered Past

by DustySoul



Series: Gender Feels Scrap Drawer [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fever, Fever Dreams, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 13:48:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4627596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DustySoul/pseuds/DustySoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky remembers her past in a series of fever dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fevered Past

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the fever / delirium square on my hurt comfort bingo.  
> http://hc-bingo.dreamwidth.org/95448.html?posted=1&view=738264
> 
> Also, Jamie is Bucky. Bucky is a transwoman in this fic who met and is staying with Sam Wilson. And Sam doesn't know Jamie = Bucky.

The city burbles under the summer sun. Children play, screaming, racing in the streets. Taxi’s honked their horns. Pedestrian’s chatter their way across the sidewalks.

She is a he. And he’s sitting out on a fire escape, smoking a cigarette.

The skyline bleeds like a rushed water color.

 

Sensation shatters and the moment falls apart.

 

\--

 

Everyone’s speaking Russian.

He’s speaking Russian.

Someone is pressing a damp wash cloth against her forehead. And she’s a she now.

Until someone barks more Russian. Then she’s a he, and the words almost mean something.

 

\--

 

It’s cold _._

She shivers, covered in blankets.

He doesn’t react, used to it, bundled up in his blue coat.

There is a tumultuous flurry of sound. The whistle of the wind, bullet and bangs, a speeding train’s roar.

 

He falls.

 

It’s _cold_.

 

\--

 

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re okay. Shhh.”

 

\--

 

She’s an it.

And it’s horrible.

 

\--

 

Sam sings a lullaby because he doesn’t know what else to do.

 

\--

 

There’s so much blood.

There’s so much blood.

The machine doesn’t react, but on the inside, she’s screaming.

 

\--

 

“Shh! Shh! It’s okay! It’s okay! Shh! Shh!” Sam doesn’t touch Jamie. He doesn’t know if this is some kind of flash back or if it’s just a fever dream.

 

\--

 

It’s _cold_.

Do machine’s even get cold? With all those metal parts, it doesn’t seem like they should.

 

\--

 

Sam breathes a deep sigh of relief when Jamie finally settles. “You’re okay, you’re okay.” He runs his fingers through her long, sweat soaked hair, “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

 

\--

 

She’s the it. She’s the machine.

There’s a man’s face. It takes forever to focus on.

He has eyes bluer than the sky, bluer than the bay on a bright, summer day.

Except one eye is purpled shut.

The vision of him swims. Something acred burns in the back of ~~its~~ her throat.

He comes back into focus. His mouth is moving and bleeding from the corner. But all that ~~it~~  she hears is the roaring of a train.

 

It’s _cold._

 

\--

 

The fever breaks.

 

\--

 

Jamie wakes in a soft bed with a cool cloth draped across her forehead.

Sam slumps in a chair next to her.

She reaches out a hand and rests it on top of his.

He wakes immediately. “How do you feel?”

“I remember.”

His face creases in confusion.

Her voice doesn’t sound at all like her own. It sounds like his. And it sounds like its. And she’s caught up in the memory of those things, consumed.

“Remember what?” Sam says.

She focuses back on him, only to start fading away with her words. “The… before. The war. The train… HYDRA. Being him and being the asset...”

Sam jostles her back to the present, inadvertently causing a coughing fit.

“Are you alright?”

“…No.” She shakes her head, “Everything is… Everything is… I remember all of it, _Sam_.”

Sam clambers on the bed next to her, replaces the wash cloth with the back of his right hand. He tries the left.

She wraps her arms around Sam, tugs him close to her.

"What is it?"

"There was so much blood."

"Shh. Rest. I'm right here, rest." And he runs his fingers through her hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to message or follow me on tumblr at dusty-soul.tumblr.com


End file.
